Building Connections in the Classroom

The school year is well underway and some of you have already bumped up against the “hard.”  By now you have identified those hard-to-reach kids” that despite your best efforts have been difficult to form connections.  Don’t take it personally. You arebumping up against their history.  Some are very pulled in and withdrawn while others carry themselves with a swagger that communicates, “I don’t need you.”  Underneath the behavior is a heart that is craving connection.  Here are a few strategies that can help build trust and break down those walls.

1.  Two for Ten.  Spend two minutes every day for ten days talking to the child about an interest that they have outside of school.  It may be baseball, nail polish or a family pet.  The key is to find that “thing” that is of interest to them.

2. Parallel Processing Talk to the child while you are doing something else.  This is called “parallel processing.” Invite the child to help you put artwork up on the bulletin board, file papers or walk to the work room to run off papers.  Side by side conversations are less intimidating than face to face.

3.  Sticki note messages. Children want to be “seen” and noticed.  Throughout the day, jot down quick comments on a sticki note and put it on a child’s desk.  “Great question about the reading today!”  “I noticed you didn’t give up on that math problem.”  “Thanks for helping Shawn with his spelling.”  I was recently in a meeting where a fourth-grade teacher shared this strategy with the group.  It so happened that a mom of one of her former students was also in the meeting.  The mom shared that on the day her son graduated from high school he came out of his room with a file folder of the sticki notes that this teacher had given him!  We never know the power of a kind word.

Building connections and breaking down walls can be slow, and it is often a two steps forward, one step backward process.  Moments of true connection can evoke a sense of vulnerability in children and cause them to retreat.  But keep issuing the invitations and trust the process and take hope even in the smallest moment of connection.